Santa needs an update. He has to get with the times.
There are plenty of things I think Santa has right. His mode of travel seems pretty good, although I have never tested the emissions of a reindeer. I would think their carbon footprint would be relatively small. And the size of his herd has been pretty much the same over the years.
I’m not sure about his labour standards. You don’t hear much from the elves, so they must be doing okay.
He could use some work on packaging. You know… cut back a bit. Although there are a lot of children (and pets) who seem to truly enjoy boxes, so there needs to be a balance there.
Where I think he has a problem is with those on the naughty list. It seems the rules of the Santa Claus game require presents for all. Even the naughty get something.
Over time, the something given to those on the naughty list has evolved. Going back, you can find references to things like stones, birch switches, ashes and cold potatoes. You can see how any of these could be items children would not want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning.
There doesn’t seem to be a good explanation for where the idea of coal as gift for the naughty came from. If you go back a couple hundred years, coal was how most people kept warm through the winter, so the idea of getting coal was good. Some seem to think coal was added to the mix as a replacement for the ashes as Santa headed into the twentieth century.
But coal is no longer good by environmental standards. We keep being told we should replace coal, so Santa should get with the program and do another update. Switches are also likely not a good option these days. Many seem to frown on that idea.
So what could replace coal as a gift for those on the naughty list? We don’t want something useful. We don’t want something harmful to the environment. We don’t want something children would secretly enjoy getting.
It may seem cruel, but I’m thinking kale. It’s trendy and children will mostly hate the idea. For children who might like kale, maybe try some Brussels sprouts.
So Santa, please help protect the planet. No more coal in the stocking. Kale instead.
